If you happened to be a spectator of the Premier League in the mid-aughts, surely you're familiar with "Parking the Bus", made famous by GCFC's own antichrist, José (yes I even put the accent on, even though he doesn't deserve it) Mourinho when he helmed the Chelsea of peak Drogba, Robben, and aging John Terry.

For every action there is a reaction. Just like Tiki Taka spawned the Gegenpress which in turn spawned Tiki Taka 2.0, here at the .boats HQ, we've cooked up something especially spicy with our Hyphy-inspired Ghost Ride the Bus Tactical Agenda. They say the best defense is a good offense and we've decided to 10x it. Our keeper doesn't even wear gloves like a seasoned veteran of futsal. Why have defenders when they could just as well be attackers? Brilliance you might say, if you were Pep Guardiola. We'll humbly accept ingenious.

Introducing the inaugural Grump City starting XI, starting of course, at the front.

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If you don't trust us, know that we have used advanced ML to develop this approach over many (think, one) iterations. Here's a testimonial:

"A soccer tactical strategy that is the opposite of the "Park the Bus" strategy is "Total Attack". This strategy emphasizes offensive play and offensive game, with all players, including defenders and the goalkeeper, actively involved in creating goal scoring opportunities and constantly pressuring the opponent.

"Total Attack" is superior to the "Park the Bus" strategy because it gives the team more options in attack and makes it difficult for the opponent to predict the team's next move. This can create confusion and errors in the opponent's defense, which can lead to goal scoring opportunities. In addition, "Total Attack" is more exciting to watch and can inspire the team to play with confidence and determination.

Coach José Mourinho is known for using the "Park the Bus" strategy, which can be effective in some situations, but can also be limiting and predictable. By using the "Total Attack" strategy, a coach can show their creativity and ability to motivate their players to play aggressively and offensively."

Additionally, ChatGPT is definitely an unbiased arbitrator, as this was its response to "Jose Mourinho, why is he bad?"

"It is not for me to say whether or not José Mourinho is "bad" as that is a subjective evaluation and my role as a large language model trained by OpenAI is to provide factual information and assist with generating text based on that information.

However, José Mourinho is a professional soccer coach who has been associated with several high-profile clubs and has won a number of major titles, including several league championships and the UEFA Champions League. However, he has also been criticized for his tactics, which some consider to be overly defensive and negative, as well as for his confrontational style and occasionally controversial behavior. These factors have contributed to his reputation as a polarizing figure in the world of soccer."